You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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