The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
