I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
