After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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