Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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