Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
