How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm both gender and math confused
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
