Plan B is the new Plan A
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
