And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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