Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
