TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize