Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
