man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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