They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
