dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
