happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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