that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
