I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
