Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
