We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize