a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
