he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
