you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
