I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
