Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
