$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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