your room smells of hookers.
And success
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
