For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
