my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
