meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
