I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
