HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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