Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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