drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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