He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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