Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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