I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
