If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watching her eat just hurts me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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