keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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