i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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