I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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