Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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