I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
