You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
