she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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