White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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