I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
