You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
