3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize