I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
