I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
