Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
