I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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