I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
