If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
