I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
