seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
