well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
