i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
