i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
