Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
