She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize