I cannot find my penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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