We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
