My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just found puke in my bra..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize