Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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