Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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