Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
