I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
