yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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