Porn is love you can see.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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