i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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