Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
