so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
