And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
